Ask an RA: how exactly to navigate hookup tradition

May 28, 2020

Ask an RA: how exactly to navigate hookup tradition

Being an RA, i am prepared to resolve great deal of questions. Got a test that is stressful up? Stressbusters. Got a leaky ceiling? Hartley Hospitality. Got a monster in your cabinet? Ghostbusters. But there’s one solution they do not teach in RA training: “How can I navigate hookup culture here?”

I’m not sure whom first utilized the expresse word “navigate” in mention of the art of getting laid, however it causes it to be appear more complex than it really is. After being in a long-distance relationship for two of my 36 months at Columbia, I’ve collected an original and comprehensive group of information.

So that you can assist you to preempt any hookup disaster, I have compiled this information into a summary of advice:

Hold your self as well as your buddies responsible for acting like rational, free-thinking grownups. Limit conversation regarding your sexploits up to a minutes that are few time.

Apply labels to your relationship.

Hear me out—you need certainly to make your objectives clear. It’s like having a layout to your variety of blogs. It’s easy to lose sight of what you set out to do when you lack a uniting vision. You begin away by having a heartfelt post regarding your deepest feelings and as you watch your life disintegrate before your eyes before you know it, you’re writing a post about how to navigate hookup culture.

Don’t allow your self be emotionally abused.

We cannot stress this sufficient. We have seen one way too many buddies fall target to abuse that is emotional. You’ve got most likely possessed friend like this—you continue steadily to seek their company, despite being profoundly upset by them. Within the end, you can’t get a grip on their behavior, you could control your very own.

Keep it trick, keep it safe.

We reside in a fishbowl, meaning that even although you only share information with one person, transmission continues to be unavoidable. Don’t talk regarding your many present hookup without your partner’s permission. It’s rude.

If you share a kitchen, don’t share a sleep. Some exceptions apply.

You don’t have to meet a quota, or have a type, or maintain any image when it comes to “hookup culture” at Columbia. It seems corny, but really, all you have to do is love your self before you give your lovin’ to another person. Last year, we constantly felt this stress, this unbelievable stress to perform within an entirely arbitrary group of bounds. Once I forget about this tension, most of the USUALLY DO NOT CROSS tape and all sorts of regarding the things about your self which you think are preventing you against getting what you want magically disappear.

For me, hookup culture will not be that important. When i acquired within the concept over it entirely that I had to feel one way or another about “hooking up”, I kind of got. The stress to appear a way that is certain to possess a specific impact on individuals disappeared.

The thing I’m speaing frankly about is wholly distinctive from sex positivity—it’s intercourse neutrality. It is acceptance associated with the known undeniable fact that the other individuals think does not have any bearing about what you will do and vice versa. You merely cannot exert the control that is same other folks which you exert over work ethic, or your art, or your problem sets. There are not any rules—no 2nd date guideline, no three time guideline, no rule that is hipsters-only. The only rules we need to follow are the ones we set for myself. We have every so often needed guidelines that are such and I also are becoming better at determining exactly just what in myself requires repairing. Without each one of these arbitrary demands, you’ll find nothing to navigate. I’ve paddles, should they are needed by me, however for now I am just drifting.